i have indeed met the most amazing people of my life (not to discount the people i know, none of you struggle (that i know) with mental illness). I  met people that are ex vets, ex drug addicts, schizophrenics, people with bi polar disorder, and all kinds of other mental illness. These are the richest people i know. Some with educations, some with no educations, but the beautiful thing is that these people have found hope. They have hope like i have never seen. they have been strapped to beds, flooded with medications, told they will never be “right”, yet they are. I am surrounded by success stories of people who have been the victims of neglect, abuse, discrimination and the darkness of the prison of depression, and now they walk head tall into a life of certainty with hope of recovery. I am so proud to know these people and to be able to share in their stories. I sat in a group meeting (my first in 11 years!)  last night and shared my story of drug addiction/ mental illness and my years of burying both of those, but the people i sat with, and my wife gave me the courage to acknowledge myself and my lived experience.


i want to start a community of people who live in smaller areas, that cant grow all of their vegetables, but can focus on a few, who would be willing to share their vegetables. The idea is to grow veggies and share them with each other so that everyone has enough. I live in a town house, but the one thing that sarah and i lack are leafy greens, peppers, different types of tomatos, etc. What we can provide are tomatos, cucumbers, squash, various basils, chives, lavender, rosemary, mint, cilantro, marjoram, and stevia.

if you’re interested, let me know!

gardenzo .

both gardens are coming in well. i’m having a little bit of powdery mildew problem with my big leafed stuff (squash and zuchini) at the indie house. This comes as no surprise because we barely get 6 hours of sun in the garden. We’ve got a ton of cucumbers and whole lot of herbs (thai basil, lemon basil, mint, mint julep, lavender, dill, rosemary, sweet basil, and stevia) at the townhouse garden. If you want some, let me know. all of our stuff is organic, comes from Young’s Mill farmthrough Farmer D organics. We use only organic fertilizers and spray fungicides and pesticides that are USDA organic certified so we dont worry about eating veggies and chemicals. 

we have watermelons, pumpkins, winter squash, pole beans and tomatos coming soon. 

spare the rod, not the discipline.

these past two days have been those kinds of days that when you sit down to write, all the energy you had intended to use for writing goes right out the window. 

I have been in training for the past two days for a new program called Safe Care. It’s a program that we will be implementing to help parents better interact with their kids and help them make sure their house is suitable for children. The program teaches a parent how to interact with his/her child while creating a stable environment for that child through positive reinforcement. Safe care takes two or three activities that present the most problems and uses those activities as a teaching medium for the parent to learn how to engage their child and help their child behave.

This is good, scientifically proven, parenting curriculum that i cant wait to drop on some parents! 

I see a couple of things with parenting that have shown how our culture has changed. 

1. I dont think, and neither  do alot of other people, that whipping a kid for being bad is as effective as constantly applying positive feedback for good behavior. When you continue to acknowledge good behavior in a child, he will naturally want to do the things that get him/ her the most attention. If acting out gets attention, then naturally the kid will act out, but if we shift the focus to the good behavior, then said kid will act in good behavior for the reward. 

2. I think alot of people dont want to hit their kids, but dont know what it means to discipline because they dont understand being proactive as a parent. This is dangerous because children need discipline. Passivity with regards to parenting will lead to a kid that will consistently test boundaries and push the envelope. By not acknowledging minut bad behavior and praising for good behavior, you will raise up a child that wants to do good. 

I say all of this with the understanding that there will always be times to have to acknowledge bad behavior. But my question would be, ” are you going to discipline for now, or for the future?” You must take the time to set up consequences and rewards and then be as consistent as possible. 


*no one can refute the model of experience. with that being said, please know that i know nothing about raising a child personally. I guess you can say that i’m working on being a “trained parent.” Please do not think that i am alluding to the idea that i have it all figured out. i have an opinion and  theories and a whole bunch of data. i’ll let you know when the rubber meets the road.*

unjust america.

America has a nasty little history of injustice.  

1. American Indians

2. Women

3. African Americans

4. Homosexuals

am i missing anyone else? 

It’s kind of gross. I think the next time i hear someone say “america is a Christian Nation”  I’m going to…. pray for them, and then implement  anger management techniques.  

I guess none of us are perfect. 

i did hear that congress was planning to or has apologized to the african american community for slavery. I’m just trying to figure out why we aren’t celebrating this. 

i also have thoughts on gay rights and the preservation of the family i cant wait to share. 


lose control

anger can be an explosive, detrimental emotion. If not managed well, anger can have devastating effects in human relations to self and others. Anger can bring about depression, drug abuse, and many other psychologically based problems. I don’t think enough people give credit to the power of anger.
i remember a time when i was sixteen, i punched the window out of my truck. I backed up my actions by saying that i was angry about my girlfriend and recent developments in our relationship. Truthfully, i was just angry and frustrated. I don’t know if it was because of my drug abuse at the time, or what, but i just remember being angry.
Many things can play into our anger. addictions, circumstances, people, things, etc. can all have huge impacts on the things that trigger anger in us.
Here’s a bit of good news: we all have triggers. To recognize this, is monumental to management. There are different triggers for different individuals and each person’s sensitivity varies. Someone who has explosive anger outbursts would be highly sensitive to the things that trigger that individual. An individual that brushes things off easily, would be less sensitive.
I believe the key to anger management is patience. If you can be patient with your responses to the things that cause you to feel anger, you are more likely to remain calm and civil instead of becoming violent. To truly control anger, you must see things in reality. When we are angry, we view things as unattractive, threatening, or unpleasant and we want to react to those negative aspects. If we can wrap our minds around the whole of the situation, including the positive aspects of the who or what of the situation, then we can implement necessary means to remain calm.

The idea is to think before you react. The process can take a long time. The fact is there is hope!

role knowing

just had one of those bittersweet conversations with my wife that hurts so good.
when you’re a natural born leader, it’s hard to follow someone who is a leader only by title. I struggle with this, but Sarah is quick to point out that my submission to this leader is the difference between moving the cattle to where they need to go or all of us cows standing around in our own poo. i love my wife!
She’s right. if a leader submits to his leader, the effect is better for the whole group or cause.
At the root of it is pride. Just because an individual thinks he or she can do something better than another who is in leadership, does not make that individual called to do that job. I’m learning that i have a role and until i’m called to step up, it’s better to know my role and shut my hole.